Sorry I haven't posted in awhile.  I'll update you with some information not necessarily related to being a bad Grampa, but perhaps interesting in understanding my insanity.....:-)

My dear cousin Alan was a world class skier.  He raced for the University of Montana, specializing in downhill racing. He was selected to the Junior Olympics in 1968, and regaled to me the vitriol of starting the downhill competition at Stowe, Vermont on ice.  They had to chop steps in the ice and let them down to the START of the race on ropes.

He told me of his coaches advice to "remember to breathe" during a two to three minute downhill run.

I was unable to participate in competition due to my Mother's strict adherence to Seventh-Day Adventist aversion to competitive skiing on Saturday (that will be another story for a different day).  Alan was a strong and awesome competitor in the downhill event, and I could never have aspired to match his strength and endurance.

Although I was not allowed to participate in the competition, I took personal pride in knowing that I was much faster than my dear cousin (yeah, I'd race you today) in the Giant Slalom events.

At the time, Snowbowl boasted the steepest vertical drop in the U.S. that was serviced by a lift.

My dear cousin hung up his staves following a crash where he ruptured both kidneys, but still chose to ski off the mountain rather than ride in the hated and despised ski patrol toboggan.

I went on to later become an instructor at a hidden gem of the Cascades known as Alpental which had a great steep and deep run known as "Upper International"

I taught a slightly off-beat modified racing style that I found immensely entertaining for about ten years.

Later, the spawn of my loins introduced me to the much maligned sport of snowboarding.

Wild Animals for Pets. What Could be Better?

Hey, here's another really great idea.  Buy your grandkiddies wild animals to keep as pets.  I'm not talking about the little wussy things like turtles, magpies, or even skunks.  (Uh yeah, in case you were wondering, I did have a family member who had a skunk as a pet).  I'm talking about real things that can inflict pain....Now I'm of the opinion that pets must be fur-bearin critters, but don't let that limit you.  Big cats, wolves, bears, you get the idea.  Now before you get to thinking I'm suggesting you do things I wouldn't, I tried this.  I got a bobcat for my oldest son.  I know what you're thinking, a bobcat is just a large house cat. 

After all, I got Snickers when he was five weeks old and bottle fed him.  He'd be just like a domestic cat wouldn't he?  We were his parents, and he never (well rarely) saw us jump on live animals and bite their throats.






My great uncle Hubert had one in his bar in Montana.  It was a great conversation piece.  He would tell the cat to stand up and box, and it would jump up on the bar and box with him.

So the little furry thing arrives and is very cute.  We fed it from a bottle and it was very cute.  These are the largest cats that purr.  It is very loud.  As the little rascal grew, he started to develop some interesting characteristics.  He LOVED the water.  It would be somewhat disconcerting to be getting a shower and have the little furry thing jump into the shower with you.  We would walk him in the park by the river (on a leash) and he would jump in and swim.

A nice feature is they like to crap in water.  No litter box needed here, they'll use the crapper.

Another habit little snickers developed was to hunt and kill furry little toys.  He would grab them and shake them and then you couldn't get near him.  If you approached him, he would back away until he was in a corner.  Then he would growl at you and when you got what he thought was too close, he would drop the prize and jump straight at you.....not in a friendly "I wanna be petted" manner.  He would bite very hard.  Did I mention that these cats are incredibly fast and strong?  I should have.

Snickers did like to sit on your lap and be petted.  He would sit there and purr so loudly you couldn't hear the T.V.   Until he was done.  Then, as quick as you please, he would turn around, growl, bite you, and run off.  Did I mention that a 40 pound bobcat will hunt and bring down a 200 pound deer?

We also found that he would stalk small children....this was a particularly endearing quality with friends and family.  You'd see him start to pace back and forth quickly, then he would crouch down....time to get him away.

I am now a firm believer that these animals are just like other cats.  They all have different personalities.  I have heard of some who are very gentle and loving.  Ours was not for the most part.  Tyson was on the West Side of Washington, and I didn't have the time to work with him.  Steph hated him, so I finally gave him to a young girl who came by to look at him and play with him.  She seemed to have a way with him, and he was gentle with her.

Had I seen the picture below, I probably would have never ventured into this undertaking.  Any cat that's tough enough to climb and sit on a Sugaruo cactus probably wouldn't make a gentle pet.

In my next installment, I will ramble on about how an orphaned elk actually makes a much better pet.  I have family who can attest to the truth of these matters, but they are somewhat eccentric, so you probably wouldn't believe them either.

I would love to try another bobcat to see if there is a difference in them.  I could do that to Bryce, but not to his family.  I mean, I'm a bad grampa, but not quite that twisted.

Tebow Time

With all the hype about the Mile-High Messiah, I thought it might be time to post about an activity that you could do with the little munchkins......you could discuss the benefits of invoking your religious beliefs to influence the outcome of sporting events for profit.  Here's some examples of how you could teach them to Tebow.

Once they see how easy it is, they can help you be trying to beat the spread with the divine intervention. I mean, why wouldn't God want you to make lots of money on a football game.  All it takes is a little faith.

Santa's Drunk Again

I just had a wonderful time with the grandkiddes visiting Santa.  Our best friends grandaughter was so afraid of Santa that we now have this great picture of here crying and trying to get away.  And then it dawned on me........Santa was probably drunk.  Taking the kids to see a drunken Santa should be part of a family tradition.  If you haven't started one, you probably should do it right away. Better to start this tradition while the little darlings are young enough to have enough intuition to be afraid of a drunken guy , in the mall, enticing young children with candy canes to sit on his lap and share secrets.  Ok,think about this conversation, and see if it doesn't sound familiar:
Johnny, Come over here and sit on Santa's lap.  Don't be afraid, here's a candy cane.  Now tell old Santa, what is the one thing in the world that you want the most?  Old Santa will try to make sure you get it if you're good and do what your told.  Ho, Ho, Ho, that's what you want?  Ok, now don't tell anyone, this will be just between you and Ole Santa here, ok?  'Cause if you tell anyone, you won't get your presents.  Remember, I know where you live, I know when you sleep, and I know if you're good or bad.

You see, when you start to put it in perspective, Santa's just a little creepy..........midgets in a sweatshop? You need to leave him milk and cookies?  Sneaks into your house at night?  Magic dust to make you fly?

See why this is such a great holiday icon?

Ok, I know you're thinking I've gone a little too far here with the drunken Santa as a tradition thing here, but I'll bet ALL of you have already shared this tradition with your little darlings.  Think not, let me refresh your memories........

Coming back now, ain't it?  Percy Helton was a drunken santa in Miracle on 34th street, 1947.  Oh yeah, you did watch it......and you let your kids watch it too.....

Here's a picture for those of us with Irish heritage.  No red suit here, just good old Kelly green.  Same sentiment though, Santa is a drunk.

Naughty List?

But the best portrayal EVER (and one of my all-time favorite movies) is Billy Bob Thornton in BAD SANTA....This is a MUST see, and always brings tears to my eyes.

More from the movie...

And it gets creepier in other cultures.......

So like my kids like to paraphrase the Christmas carol rendition from Jose Feliciano

"The Police have my Dad"

Merry Christmas....start a tradition.