Geography

If you are a follower of this blog, you no doubt are looking for fun activities to share with the little sweeties.  But, if you're like me, you want to get those grampa credits with minimal impact to your leisure time.  So, pour yourself a glass of scotch (it has to be older than your grandchildren) and review this simplified map.  It will make teaching the little cuties about the world we live in.  They can be way ahead of other kids in thier class, because they'll be able to recognize areas of the world, the basis for their economy, political views, and current world events.  Go on, give it a try, learning can be fun.

Take 'em to a movie

Here's idea for things to do with the little darlings now that the weather is turning toward fall.  You could take them to a movie.  Animation and 3-D have improved a great deal.  The technology is wonderful.  Even better, the vampire-themed movies should be a hit.....what could go wrong?  Here's a little story about how a shared activity can have a long-lasting influence on the little gems.  That's what you want, right?  To influence them so they inflict pain upon thier parents?  You know, payback for what they did to you?

Well, here's the story.  (Unverified, or perhaps made-up, as are most of the facts in this blog.)

The arrest of an American man who broke into a woman’s house and tried to suck her blood over the weekend has sparked discussion about the impact of vampire books and movies on U.S. youth culture.
Whether pop culture played a role in the attack remains to be seen, as 19-year-old Lyle Monroe Bensley awaits a psychiatric evaluation in jail on burglary charges in Galveston, Texas.
Found growling and hissing in a parking lot and wearing only boxer shorts, the pierced and tattooed Bensley claimed he was a 500-year-old vampire who needed to “feed,” Galveston Police Capt. Jeff Heyse said.
Vampires have been a focal point of literature since Bram Stoker’s 1897 novel, “Dracula”. But fascination, particularly among young people, has peaked in recent years with the popularity of the “Twilight” books about teenage vampires and the television series, “True Blood.”

Moose Logging

Ok, any ole redneck grampa can teach the little sweethearts to use a chainsaw and alcohol.  If you want to be a real party favorite, hitch up the moose to a buncha logs.  Yard them babies out of the woods.  For a real treat, let the kids ride in the moose rack.  Plus, the things you could do with a stump-broke moose.

Bacon and Jack Daniels....What's not to love.

Here's the perfect breakfast.  Have some before the little munchkins show up.  Or share it with them.......

Here's some more things a bad grandparent could do with their little darlings........

After allegedly robbing a convenience store in Aiken County, South Carolina, United States, a man fled the scene on a riding lawnmower. Police apprehended the suspect near the scene.

According to the Aiken County Sheriff's Office, Ricky New entered the store carrying a large stick, demanded money, assaulted the clerk with the stick, and left with an undisclosed amount of money. He then tried to make his getaway on a Craftsman mower. His face was concealed by a towel, but Ricky New lives nearby and the clerk identified him promptly after the incident.

This is NOT a cute kitty

So, here's a little something.  Even though you may live in town, you can still round up fun things for the little munchkins to do.  Wait til after dark......have something to drink (oh yeah, if you're looking here for grampa advice, you probably already did this).  Wait for a porcupine to climb up on your porch to eat the flowers.  Resist the temptation to shoot and BBQ the little bastard.  Now tell the kids to come look at the kitty.......stop them before they get too close, unless you want to spend the night in the ER waiting for the tired staff to pick out the quills.  No, they won't give grampas the pain medicine, unless you had to hold the little sweeties on the way.   Now, if you've successfully stopped the kids in time, send them back into the house to watch from the window.  Get yourself the proverbial 10 foot pole (anything will work, broom, rake, spare PVC pipe) and gently prod the prick off your porch.  Unless they are rabid, or cornered, they won't get aggressive.  You also can't get them to move too fast.  After all, how many natural predators do they have?   Prod the portly portable cactus into the dark toward the neighbors yard.  Do not call animal control, after all, there may be another drunken grandparent waiting to impress their little darlings too.  Go back inside.  Proclaim incredible thirst.  Go to bed.  Remember to check the porch if you wake up to go outside before morning.

Couch Spuds Gotta Move

Ok, it's time to get up off the couch and do something with the little sweeties.  You can go to WalMart.....there are so many wonders to see.  Looking on line at "People of Walmart" is not equivalent to seeing the incredible sights in person. I mean, where else could you find Grampa with a Chihuahua in a Tiara?  You don't want them learning this stuff without old reliable people around.

Great Day

Today we had a poolside birthday party for the youngest granddaughter Pallas. What helps with this is a couple of Redhook IPAs.  I have tried this sort of thing with and without the IPA.  I find I am a much more tolerant and fun guy to be around with the IPA.  I really could care less if the kids set the house on fire this way.  The dogs are getting tortured and loving it.  We also used a friends pool.  Do this whenever you can.

This is my first blogging attempt. Who knows how it will turn out.

How does this work?