It's Been A Long Time

I know it has been a long time since I have written anything here, but I have recently had some great Bad Gramps stuff to share.


I recently met the granddaughters at Steven's Pass to go snowboarding for the second time.  It was a great time, and they are doing very well for only a little work. So what you ask is so bad about this?

I'll tell you.  It is potentially entrenching a sport they will grow to love which will cost my son a fortune.  Nuff said.

Steven's Pass is only 40 some miles from a wonderful little Bavarian Style village called Leavenworth, Washington.  This evil place has marketed itself into having some ridiculous special week-end EVERY DAMN weekend.  Octoberfest (for 6 weeks), Christmas Tree Lighting, Couples Weekend (no it's not Valentine's Day, but the WEEK before), all kinds of other evil celebrations.  Oh yeah, the hotels are almost always full, and there's NO OFFSEASON rates.  It's always "special rates" for some pagan celebration that has been co-opted by the church. (Mardis Gras, etc.).

Here are some pictures just outside of Leavenworth on the way to Steven's Pass.  You can see that these are dangerously enticing, much like the Sirens of old.  

So, here's a picture of how enticing Leavenworth can be. 

Ok, you ask, how does this pan out for the snowboarders?

See in the attached pictures from the first day.  More later when I figure out how to get the videos uploaded...

So, you ask, what is so bad about this?  Nothing for the girls....the parents will feel the pain if they like it.  Which they seem to do. 

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile.  I'll update you with some information not necessarily related to being a bad Grampa, but perhaps interesting in understanding my insanity.....:-)

My dear cousin Alan was a world class skier.  He raced for the University of Montana, specializing in downhill racing. He was selected to the Junior Olympics in 1968, and regaled to me the vitriol of starting the downhill competition at Stowe, Vermont on ice.  They had to chop steps in the ice and let them down to the START of the race on ropes.

He told me of his coaches advice to "remember to breathe" during a two to three minute downhill run.

I was unable to participate in competition due to my Mother's strict adherence to Seventh-Day Adventist aversion to competitive skiing on Saturday (that will be another story for a different day).  Alan was a strong and awesome competitor in the downhill event, and I could never have aspired to match his strength and endurance.

Although I was not allowed to participate in the competition, I took personal pride in knowing that I was much faster than my dear cousin (yeah, I'd race you today) in the Giant Slalom events.

At the time, Snowbowl boasted the steepest vertical drop in the U.S. that was serviced by a lift.

My dear cousin hung up his staves following a crash where he ruptured both kidneys, but still chose to ski off the mountain rather than ride in the hated and despised ski patrol toboggan.

I went on to later become an instructor at a hidden gem of the Cascades known as Alpental which had a great steep and deep run known as "Upper International"

I taught a slightly off-beat modified racing style that I found immensely entertaining for about ten years.

Later, the spawn of my loins introduced me to the much maligned sport of snowboarding.

Wild Animals for Pets. What Could be Better?

Hey, here's another really great idea.  Buy your grandkiddies wild animals to keep as pets.  I'm not talking about the little wussy things like turtles, magpies, or even skunks.  (Uh yeah, in case you were wondering, I did have a family member who had a skunk as a pet).  I'm talking about real things that can inflict pain....Now I'm of the opinion that pets must be fur-bearin critters, but don't let that limit you.  Big cats, wolves, bears, you get the idea.  Now before you get to thinking I'm suggesting you do things I wouldn't, I tried this.  I got a bobcat for my oldest son.  I know what you're thinking, a bobcat is just a large house cat. 

After all, I got Snickers when he was five weeks old and bottle fed him.  He'd be just like a domestic cat wouldn't he?  We were his parents, and he never (well rarely) saw us jump on live animals and bite their throats.






My great uncle Hubert had one in his bar in Montana.  It was a great conversation piece.  He would tell the cat to stand up and box, and it would jump up on the bar and box with him.

So the little furry thing arrives and is very cute.  We fed it from a bottle and it was very cute.  These are the largest cats that purr.  It is very loud.  As the little rascal grew, he started to develop some interesting characteristics.  He LOVED the water.  It would be somewhat disconcerting to be getting a shower and have the little furry thing jump into the shower with you.  We would walk him in the park by the river (on a leash) and he would jump in and swim.

A nice feature is they like to crap in water.  No litter box needed here, they'll use the crapper.

Another habit little snickers developed was to hunt and kill furry little toys.  He would grab them and shake them and then you couldn't get near him.  If you approached him, he would back away until he was in a corner.  Then he would growl at you and when you got what he thought was too close, he would drop the prize and jump straight at you.....not in a friendly "I wanna be petted" manner.  He would bite very hard.  Did I mention that these cats are incredibly fast and strong?  I should have.

Snickers did like to sit on your lap and be petted.  He would sit there and purr so loudly you couldn't hear the T.V.   Until he was done.  Then, as quick as you please, he would turn around, growl, bite you, and run off.  Did I mention that a 40 pound bobcat will hunt and bring down a 200 pound deer?

We also found that he would stalk small children....this was a particularly endearing quality with friends and family.  You'd see him start to pace back and forth quickly, then he would crouch down....time to get him away.

I am now a firm believer that these animals are just like other cats.  They all have different personalities.  I have heard of some who are very gentle and loving.  Ours was not for the most part.  Tyson was on the West Side of Washington, and I didn't have the time to work with him.  Steph hated him, so I finally gave him to a young girl who came by to look at him and play with him.  She seemed to have a way with him, and he was gentle with her.

Had I seen the picture below, I probably would have never ventured into this undertaking.  Any cat that's tough enough to climb and sit on a Sugaruo cactus probably wouldn't make a gentle pet.

In my next installment, I will ramble on about how an orphaned elk actually makes a much better pet.  I have family who can attest to the truth of these matters, but they are somewhat eccentric, so you probably wouldn't believe them either.

I would love to try another bobcat to see if there is a difference in them.  I could do that to Bryce, but not to his family.  I mean, I'm a bad grampa, but not quite that twisted.

Tebow Time

With all the hype about the Mile-High Messiah, I thought it might be time to post about an activity that you could do with the little munchkins......you could discuss the benefits of invoking your religious beliefs to influence the outcome of sporting events for profit.  Here's some examples of how you could teach them to Tebow.

Once they see how easy it is, they can help you be trying to beat the spread with the divine intervention. I mean, why wouldn't God want you to make lots of money on a football game.  All it takes is a little faith.